Type of Girl

I often wonder what type of girl I am.

I always feel the need to speak my mind, but often quiet myself for fear of offending others. My opinions don't match those of the status quo. I am Feministic, Brutal, and Ungodly. I am very Passionate on any subject I feel kindred to. I will defend my side to the apocalypse.

My opinions on highly sexual women is quite odd. Unlike most who think they are loose, whores, sluts, and the like....I am just Jealous. Jealous of the fact that they have no fear of their sexual personality. Jealous of their ability to be who they are. Jealous of the fact that I am not. I fear rejection and embarrassment too much to let myself be free enough to hit on someone, and be willing to have sex that easily. It is an odd bout of low self esteem.

I do think highly of myself though. I catch myself looking down on others in my thoughts that don't use proper English. I DO NOT mean use slang words when speaking, I mean flat out need to pull out a translator to understand what they are saying, type people. I have no idea how they expect to get a higher paying job when they speak incomplete sentences. I have issues with baggy clothes that make you look unkempt. Be it pajamas in public or jeans down to your ankles I really have no desire to see them. They are fashion faux pas in my book.

I have found that I would rather sit at home and read a book than deal with the real world. This is a habit of mine from childhood. My punishment when little was not the disbarring of the television or friends but being banned from my bookshelves. It was agonizing. I love to lose myself in a world unlike my own, where I can Sail the Seven Seas with Rudyard Kipling, or deal with the supernatural with Charlaine Harris. I love it so much I want to create realms for others to enjoy someday.

I discover I want to dress up. I like pretty things, High Heels and Dresses, Make-up and Jewelery. I feel pretty. Then about halfway through the night I am ready and willing to beat the shit out of somebody for some unknown reason. I still feel pretty, but I am a bitch through and through. I will not take anything lying down. I may look like a Princess but I throw a mean left hook. My brother taught me well.

I don't particularly believe in any religion. I believe in the concept of God, yes. BUT I am more holistic and drawn to Nature than Christianity allows. I hold a lot of Wiccan values to be true. I find some smaller aspects of Buddhism and Hinduism amazing as well, I enjoy Yoga and its meditative purposes. There is actually a label for people who think the way I do on religion. I am not quite sure I like it, Christopagan. Being a Christian while holding Paganistic values. Look it up. It is real.

I often wonder what type of girl I am. Then I remember, I am not a mere girl anymore. I am a Woman. I am a Feminist, Gutsy, Brutally outspoken, Sexually Jealous, Bookworm, Bitch of a Christopagan Princess. But I am not one to put a label on things...

Until the Fates let us,

Ali

no longer taking safe choices

I have made some decisions in my life. I am no longer going to be living the safe choice. I have been hiding for two years. i have made the safe decisions and played it safe the whole way. i was going to go back to the college i left a couple years ago. why? why did i want to go back there? i had no reason besides my thought that i should go back where i left... that i should play it safe. I knew who i would be there. i knew what it was like there. i was making no sacrifice by going back. so i am applying to other schools. maybe i will go to the school i left. maybe i wont get accepted elsewhere, after all i dont have the best track record. but i am not going to do something just because it is the safe choice. I am giving myself the opportunity to excel elsewhere. to move on and up. i am no longer going to be the dreamer thinking of what could be or what might have been. i am going to start taking care of myself instead of others. i am going to be my own unique individual.

I am ready. I am ready to stop living the safe choice to stop dreaming about where i want to be and what i want to do and to go ahead and do it. I am ready to scream to the world My name is Ali, I am here to be me, not to clean up after you or take care of your mess but to be me!!

one life to live

I have decided to create a bucket list of sorts. Now I have always had things I have wanted to do, like skydiving and other death defying feats. i just have decided that you guys can follow along on my list and see what i have done and haven't done along the way!

ONE LIFE TO LIVE...

• Learn to drive a Manual
• See Norah Jones in Concert
• Dye my Hair blue and purple
• Learn to speak Italian
• See Dropkick Murphys In Concert
• Go to Greece
• Complete my list of Tattoos
• Lose weight... be the correct weight for my height
• be able to run a mile without stopping
• Make a Difference
• Visit Ireland
• To actually read Withering Heights
• To go Skydiving
• To see a Ballet
• To see an Opera... Carmen
• Write a Book
• Get a degree in English
• Take a Course on Fashion
• Learn to throw a Pot
• Go back to Paris and visit the Fashion houses

So how is that for a nice list to start? Keep up with it.... it will be over here on the side. I will find a way to mark off what gets done. So here is to life!! Live and let live!

until the fates let us,

AAli

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The New Year

Well... I have to say this year was a very good year. There were some family issues, we had a death scare for my grandmother. I lost some friends and grew some closer bonds with others. I have gotten my head together to an extent, I now can actually choose a path for myself instead of be lead blindly down one. I now feel like I can move on with my life. For someone in my situation, that is a big deal. but it takes time to heal the broken, and sometimes you just must let yourself live. So here is to the New Year, 2010. Here is to new beginnings, fresh starts, and continued growth. To living life without regret and sorrow for the past. No resolutions for me. Just the promise of life, peace, happiness, and hope.

until the fates let us,

ali

the new blog... again

http://musictomymuse.blogspot.com/ So apparently.... I never posted a working link to my new blog..... this is it!!! http://musictomymuse.blogspot.com/ did everyone catch that? oh you there in the back missed it? im soooo sorry let me do it again http://musictomymuse.blogspot.com/ there ya go!! this blog is just for my artistic side... i wanted to split them a little.... so please read review and enjoy!


until the fates let us,

ali

Who am I in 1200 words...

As much as I like blogging, I am always annoyed at the small amount of space I am given to describe myself. I can do it don't get me wrong but I always have to over think what I want or need to say. I actually have a great description of me. I have two actually one can be found on my myspace and the other is a writing exercise I did at some point. I am giving you my exercise to read, I love my description of who I am.



Hi! Welcome to my little world! Believe me this is a new world. So here’s some things you might like to know about me. I am a singer. Now I can't promise that I will fit your standards but I enjoy it. I am a writer of poetry. I aspire to be the next Alfred Lord Tennyson/Nora Roberts(if that could even exist in the world). And a dancer when I have the time. Any kind of dancing suits me. Be it Ballroom, Clubbing, or just free lance for me. I am a dreamer. So sue me, someone has to do it.


I have a very out going personality and quite often speak my mind. I am a negative person I always expect the worst. But I feel it is better to be prepared then to be shocked when the worst does happen and when it doesn't? Well that is just a silver lining then isn’t it? I find I often care far too much or far too less for it to matter.


I am loud and extremely happy. I am a little quirky I am confusing and shy...I am a romantic. I dress to fit me not you. Therefore don’t expect me to always fit in. I can promise I won’t. I will hurt you if you hurt my friends. I learned how to hold my own in a fight years ago and have kept that knowledge under my belt.



I believe in faith and magic. I believe everyone has the option of inner peace, you just have to take the initiative to find it. I live by three rules peace, love and hope. Keep peace of mind in the hardest times for that will bring you through anything. Remember that someone out there loves you, even if you haven’t met them yet. And no matter what there is always hope for the future, Always.



I will always find a way to get what I want. I am a terrific kisser just try me :) My favorite color is blue but purple comes as a close second. I wish I could speak Italian. I believe in Classic Romance. I am obsessed with faeries and butterflies. I like to draw, even though I suck at it. I like to design my own clothes but cannot sew. I happen to have sketches everywhere. I enjoy a good argument, be it about politics, beliefs or general topics. I am Cinderella. What? Every girl is a Princess. I love old movies. I love Audrey Hepburn and Alfred Hitchcock. I am a English Major with a music minor. I am who I am. If you can’t handle that then stop reading.


Ok so that is a little crazy, but it gets it all out there. I try to be perfect and I do all I can. I work and I go to college. I have desperate needs for shopping. I am in love with three things music, art and books. I sing and I play piano and guitar. I have had years of private voice lessons. I also am a ballet dancer. My obsessions are shoes, earrings, and perfumes.


until the fates let us,
Ali

Note:: Can I Have Your ATTENTION PLEASE

Attention please!! I have created a new blog, just for my writings so dont worry I wont be tarrying away!! I have posted a link here so just click it and have fun!!

until the fates let us,
Ali