I often wonder what type of girl I am.
I always feel the need to speak my mind, but often quiet myself for fear of offending others. My opinions don't match those of the status quo. I am Feministic, Brutal, and Ungodly. I am very Passionate on any subject I feel kindred to. I will defend my side to the apocalypse.
My opinions on highly sexual women is quite odd. Unlike most who think they are loose, whores, sluts, and the like....I am just Jealous. Jealous of the fact that they have no fear of their sexual personality. Jealous of their ability to be who they are. Jealous of the fact that I am not. I fear rejection and embarrassment too much to let myself be free enough to hit on someone, and be willing to have sex that easily. It is an odd bout of low self esteem.
I do think highly of myself though. I catch myself looking down on others in my thoughts that don't use proper English. I DO NOT mean use slang words when speaking, I mean flat out need to pull out a translator to understand what they are saying, type people. I have no idea how they expect to get a higher paying job when they speak incomplete sentences. I have issues with baggy clothes that make you look unkempt. Be it pajamas in public or jeans down to your ankles I really have no desire to see them. They are fashion faux pas in my book.
I have found that I would rather sit at home and read a book than deal with the real world. This is a habit of mine from childhood. My punishment when little was not the disbarring of the television or friends but being banned from my bookshelves. It was agonizing. I love to lose myself in a world unlike my own, where I can Sail the Seven Seas with Rudyard Kipling, or deal with the supernatural with Charlaine Harris. I love it so much I want to create realms for others to enjoy someday.
I discover I want to dress up. I like pretty things, High Heels and Dresses, Make-up and Jewelery. I feel pretty. Then about halfway through the night I am ready and willing to beat the shit out of somebody for some unknown reason. I still feel pretty, but I am a bitch through and through. I will not take anything lying down. I may look like a Princess but I throw a mean left hook. My brother taught me well.
I don't particularly believe in any religion. I believe in the concept of God, yes. BUT I am more holistic and drawn to Nature than Christianity allows. I hold a lot of Wiccan values to be true. I find some smaller aspects of Buddhism and Hinduism amazing as well, I enjoy Yoga and its meditative purposes. There is actually a label for people who think the way I do on religion. I am not quite sure I like it, Christopagan. Being a Christian while holding Paganistic values. Look it up. It is real.
I often wonder what type of girl I am. Then I remember, I am not a mere girl anymore. I am a Woman. I am a Feminist, Gutsy, Brutally outspoken, Sexually Jealous, Bookworm, Bitch of a Christopagan Princess. But I am not one to put a label on things...
Until the Fates let us,
Ali